All the World and 50p by Lynne

You came into this world with your eyes wide open, I watched you grow, from your first smile, giggle, words, tooth, steps and school days. I watched in awe and pride of your triumphs, until one day I noticed you were sick, glued to your chair, burning up and no amount of comfort could shake off what I saw.

My worst fears were confirmed, my beautiful, gorgeous, strong-minded daughter, who knew where she was going in her life, was HIV positive – I could not kiss you better. You said that I, your Mum, would never love you, hold and kiss you and that no-one would want you. In your eyes I saw that only death awaits you – never in my lifetime – I held you tight and kissed you and said “So what”.

You believed medication was 15 years away. Little knowing that the virus was trying to kill you, you refused medication even paracetamol, in my heart I too was dying and so were you. My beautiful 17 year old dead – never in my lifetime.

Our last family holiday – twelve hours it took to get you home from Spain, what a journey, never knowing whether you would survive. I thank the Royal Liverpool Hospital for your survival. Your claim, “I just wanted to see how far I could push my body”, and mine too.
I thank the world for Sahir House who showed you the way that I could not – I was and am just your Mum.

When you were younger, you often told me how much you loved me, “All the world and 50 pence”, and my darling daughter so do I and more.

©2014 Lynne