This time last year I was explaining how World AIDS Day on 1st December always marks the start of the festive season for me. The day itself is both a time for reflection and a time to start looking ahead, not just to Christmas, but to the next year and the one after that.
This year it’s especially poignant for me. Back in April, I lost my best friend I had known for the past 40 years, who was a long term survivor. He was diagnosed with HIV back in 1986, in the days it was called HTLV3.
He was told back in 1986 to get his affairs in order, and not to make long term plans, which terrified him. He metaphorically stuck two fingers up at the virus and the medical profession, and lived out his full lifespan. He lived life to the full, he was a great inspiration to many, and a great friend to me.
He was a firm believer that a healthy mental attitude goes a long way toward helping our overall sense of well-being, he proved it on many occasions. So, I would like to dedicate this month’s column to him.
This time of year is very different for most of us. Even those who don’t celebrate Christmas can’t help but be affected by the seasonal traffic, the queues in shops, and any other number of things which affect our usual routine.
The primitive side of our brain, the part which keeps us on red-alert for any type of danger, perceives any type of change as a threat and can make us anxious. This applies to any type of change, good or bad, which is why things we might really look forward to can be incredibly stressful, such as moving house or starting a new job.
So, with that in mind, I’ve put together a few tips to keep yourself in the right frame of mind over the Christmas season, whatever it means to you.
- Last minute shopping is one of the most stressful parts of Christmas for many people, so make it easier on yourself. If you’ve forgotten a present for somebody or need to get one at the last minute, just give yourself some thinking time. Don’t rush out and buy something over-priced or unsuitable. If you really are unsure, get someone a gift voucher from a shop they like, and let them bag themselves a bargain in the Boxing Day sales.
- Whilst I’m on the subject of last minute shopping, try to keep your cool if you’re driving for those last minute things. I always find it really strange, how at this time of year, people who can usually handle most things, can become road rage monsters in the Christmas traffic. Set off early, take your time, put something soothing on the car stereo.
- Enjoy yourself this party season but do remember that alcohol is actually a depressant. Don’t be afraid to say no if someone is trying to get you to have that extra drink that you really don’t want. Know your limit and stick to it. Remember it is a long holiday season so pace yourself.
- If the thought of a family gathering or other event is causing you to negatively forecast all the things which could go wrong, just take a moment to remember the fact that most of the things we worry about never happen. However, if you have to disappoint someone else in order to look after your own mental well-being so be it.
- If you are at your own event, or someone else’s and you can feel yourself becoming stressed or anxious, take yourself out for a brisk walk to clear your head. If that is not possible, take yourself off to the bathroom for 10 minutes if necessary, and take some slow deep breaths in and out, counting as you do it. This simple technique can work really quickly to lower your stress levels. It can help you to quickly reassess the situation if things are becoming a little tense or overbearing.
- Whether it’s the works party, a family gathering or any other event – remember that not everything you see is necessarily as it appears, so don’t compare yourself to others. It’s a habit many of us have got into thanks to social media. Just think of all the party-snapshots you see on Facebook etc., where many things look too good to be true, they usually are. There’s nothing worse than feeling lonely or out of place at an event where everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves, the temptation is there for us to just blot it all out by drinking too much, something we will probably regret afterwards.
Whatever this time of year means to you, I wish you peace and happiness, I would like to thank everyone at Sahir House for the great work they do, and for letting me write this column for you.
I’ll see you all again in 2024.
Please remember, if you feel you are in any type of mental health crisis, go to your GP or A&E, call the Samaritans on 116 123 or text SHOUT to 85258
Martin Furber is a therapist qualified in various modalities and an Instructor Member of Mental Health First Aid England.
Website: https://www.martinfurber.com
Email: solutions@martinfurber.com
